A
a*ris*to*crat (a-ris’-toe-crat): n. 1. Eastern establishment liberal, one who attended an Ivy League school but was ineligible for DKE or Skull’n’Bones 2. rich Democrats roughly equivalent in wealth to top Republican donors
B
bi*-par*ti*san (bye-par’-tih-zuhn) n. 1. Democratic surrender to Republican will 2. Democratic obedience to Republican dictates 3. anything Republicans do that Joe Lieberman will support
C
closed loop (klozd lupe) n. 1. the bubble Republicans live in when they only talk to each other 2. right-wing media sources
con*sult (con-sulk’) v. 1. what Bush does when he tells Democrats what he’s going to do before he does it 2. what Republicans do with each other (see also, closed loop)
D
de*bate (duh-bait’) n. 1. a fair and honest exchange of views between Republicans
de*ba*ting so*ci*e*ty (duh-bait’-in so-sy’-i-tee) n. 1. a useless bunch of talk when action feels better 2. what Democrats turn any discussion into simply by insisting on joining it 3. any Congress in which Democrats have a majority 4. any group using diplomacy instead of military action to solve a foreign crisis, such as the UN
E
em*bol*den (em-bowl’-den) v. 1. what Democrats, merely by existing, do for terrorists 2. what Republicans do for each other when things go bump in the night
F
free*dom (free’-dom) n. 1. unfettered capitalism, as in the freedom to make as much money as possible by any means necessary 2. authoritarianism, as in Americans should have the freedom to say anything they want as long as they don’t disagree with, contradict, challenge, criticize, or provoke Republicans, at which point they should either shut up or be stood against a wall and shot (see also, “free trade”, syn.)
G
H
hom*i*cide (hom’-i-side) n. Someone who commits suicide, as in FoxNews reports today that a homicide bomber blew himself up
hys*ter*i*cal (hiss-tair’-i-kl) adj. description invariably applied to: 1. all women 2. all liberals 3. all Democrats 4. the Iraq Study Group
I
im*par*tial (im-par’-shul) adj. 1. any statement, act, or characterization of a Democrat by any Republican, no matter how false, bigoted, or mean 2. any purely political act by Republicans done with the intention of bolstering a specious or indefensible argument, especially if that argument is devoid of supporting facts 3. any study done by the American Enterprise Institute, the Heritage Foundation, or the Hoover Institute, no matter how devoid of actual fact those studies are 4. Bill O’Reilly and/or FoxNews 5. The Weekly Standard, the Wall Street Journal, the National Review 6. Rush Limbaugh 7. Ann Coulter and Dinesh D’Souza
J
K
L
lib*er*al (li’-brul) n. 1. An authoritarian, one who spends all his time telling other people what to do 2. A wimp, one without backbone who lets everybody push him around 3. A traitor, one who hates his own country and spends every waking hour working on ingenious ways to destroy it 4. A lazy, good-for-nothing Mama’s boy who sleeps in late, doesn’t have a job, sponges off his relatives, and doesn’t care a tinker’s damn about his country 5. A Communist 6. A Democrat 7. A Welfare Queen 8. A bum living on the street 9. A Democrat 10. Gay
lib*er*ty (lib’-er-tee) n. 1. unrestricted capitalism, free from government regulation or public interference in corporate affairs 2. unrestricted property rights, confined to the corporate and upper classes, as in the government is at liberty to seize the trailer park by eminent domain for my new supermarket but has no right to seize my supermarket by eminent domain to build a day-care center for commoners 3. obedience, as in Americans are at liberty to obey Republicans
lie (lye) v. 1. any fact a Republican chooses not to believe 2. everything a Democrat says no matter how much evidence s/he has to back it up (the evidence is all lies, too) 3. anything from the MSM unless it originates on Fox, in the WSJ, the NR, the Weekly Standard, Pajamas Media, or WorldNetDaily, or with Rev Moon (see impartial)
M
N
ne*go*ti*ate (ne-go’-shee-ayt) n. 1. what Republicans call it when they stake out a position from which they then refuse to budge 2. what Republicans call it when they refuse to speak to anyone with whom they disagree
O
P
par*ti*san (par’-tih-zuhn) n. 1. any Democrat who disagrees with any Republican about anything, no matter how trivial 2. any liberal policy, no matter how disconnected from politics (science, for example) 3. the media (except some; see impartial) 4. Ralph Nader 5. Sean Penn (and the rest of that Commie bunch in Hollywood) 6. Michael Moore 7. Norman Mailer (see also, moonbats)
par*ti*san at*tack (par’-tih-zuhn a-tak’) phr. 1. any attempt by any Democrat to expose Republican corruption, especially if true 2. any attempt by Democrats to make Republicans obey the law, act ethically, or respect the Constitution
pa*tri*ot (pay’-tree-ott) n. 1. anyone who donates to Republican candidates 2. Anyone who blindly obeys Republican leaders (includes Democrats – see Lieberman, Joe) 3. anyone who believes that war is the solution for every international problem faced by the US (be a patriot! nuke ‘em!) 4. anyone who believes the US is justified in doing anything whatever (includes pre-emptive war, torture, Constitution-shredding, wrongful imprisonment, imprisonment without trial, imprisonment without the possibility of defense, “extraordinary rendition”, illegal search and seizure, or any other conceivable breach of the Bill of Rights) 5. anyone who believes the US Constitution is quaint, anachronistic, and/or irrelevant since 9/11 (see Gonzales, Alberto)
pa*tri*o*tis*m (pay’-tree-oh-tiz-em) n. 1. a belief that loving your country means believing that everything Republicans do is right 2. a belief that being rich is the same thing as loving your country, and vice versa 3. a belief that loving your country means blind obedience to Republican leaders 4. a belief that loving your country means donating vast sums of money to the Republican Party 5. waving the flag on Arbor Day while at the same time ignoring Labor Day and Martin Luther King Day as “inappropriate holidays” 6. what corporations show when they make a lot of money
pres*i*dent (prez’-nent) n. 1. CEO/Monarch of the US with the Absolute Powers of God-Anointed Royalty if he is a Republican, and no political or legal power whatsoever if he is a Democrat 2. The nominal head of a corporation, organization, or club if a Republican; a dangerous fanatic and dictator if a Democrat, no matter what he is president of, even if it’s just President of the Sunset Retirement Village Mah-Jong Club 3. The Decider if Republican, the Destroyer if a Democrat
Q
R
re*spect (re-spekt’) n. 1. Unquestioning obedience to all Republican authority figures (“I had a heretical thought for a conservative – that I have got to teach my kids that they must never, ever take Presidents and Generals at their word – that their government will send them to kill and die for noble-sounding rot – that they have to question authority.” – Rod Dreher) 2. A demand by a Republican for obedience from all non-Republicans 3. What non-Republicans demonstrate when they agree with Republicans (at least that lousy, no-good, traitorous Democrat showed me respect when he agreed with me)
S
stri*dent (stry’-dent [like the gum, only with an “s”]) adj. 1. loud, aggressive 2. anything said by a Democrat at a decibel level above that of a horse whisperer 3. anything said by a woman at a decibel level above that of a dead cat 4. anything said by a Democratic woman at a decibel level above that of the parasites inside an igneous rock (see also, harsh, grating, hysterical)
sub*stance (sub’-stuhns) n. 1. the core of any Republican issue 2. the critical importance of every statement by any right-wing crackpot 3. what Democrats never have
T
truth (trooth) n. 1. anything Bush says no matter how divorced from reality 2. anything a Republican says no matter how divorced from reality 3. anything Rush Limbaugh says even if he admits he made it up
U
un*fair (uhn’-fare) adj. 1. anything done once by Democrats to any Republican who previously did it dozens and dozens of times to them 2. any criticism by anybody of any Republican about anything
V
W
X
Y
Z
Arranology 
Under Obama, despite his promise that passing his stimulus bill would keep unemployment under 8%, the unemployed has risen to almost 10%, the deficit has double during his administration, his has nationalize many large companies and now he has his energy bill that will raise energy costs for all americans by as much as $3000 a year and cost jobs (estimates by the CBO). If I disagree with his policies, the extreme left calls me a paritsan.
OK, you’re a partisan.
C’mon, Alf. The man’s been in office for 5 months and you expect him to have everything turned around when it took Bush 2 full terms – 8 years – to tear it all apart?
Sounds partisan to me.