You Dare Punish BP? BP Sue!

The Houston Chronicle is reporting that British Petroleum, fresh from their sterling response to their destruction of the Gulf of Mexico by pumping oil all into it – and over it and under it and next to it and… – namely, “God did it, not us, so how come we have to pay?”, is suing the US for refusing to give it more chances to spill just as much oil in other places, too.

BP sued the U.S. government on Monday over its decision to bar the British oil giant from new federal contracts to supply fuel and other services following the company’s agreement to plead guilty to manslaughter and obstruction charges in connection with the 2010 Gulf of Mexico oil spill disaster.

The company said in court papers filed in U.S. District Court in Houston that the Environmental Protection Agency’s decision to suspend the company from such contracts and its continued enforcement of that order is arbitrary, capricious and “an abuse of discretion.”

“Abuse of discretion”. That’s, like, if your boss rapes you at a company party but then he apologizes afterward, it’s an “abuse of discretion” to report him to the police anyway because he’s, like, totally sorry, dude, so it’s completely unfair to hold him responsible just because he, you know, did it.

And btw, he knows he promised to pay your medical bills and everything but he, like, gave you taxi money so you wouldn’t have to call an ambulance after he beat you up and what more do you expect? So even though the judge said he has to pay, he don’t wanna no more. They incurred damage charges of $42B but they payed out $3B and fuck, that’s enuff. CEO Bad Bob Dudley is sure he’s being cheated and that’s just plain unAmerkin if a co’poration ain’t doin’ it.

Any company that makes in good faith an agreement to respond—and I don’t think there are many companies that have responded more responsibly to an industrial accident—when you make an agreement and you don’t have the faith and the trust that agreement is going to be interpreted the way you expect, it’s not good for America. As I travel around the globe and meet with world leaders and other CEOs, the litigious culture of the U.S., the class-action culture—quite frankly, the ambulance chasing, the patent trolls—is what’s being talked about.


We fully expected you would use our fines to pay our subsidiaries to rebuild the damage we did so we’d be paying ourselves to fix it but now you’ve gone and given it to people outside the corporation, just regular peasants who lost their huts and stuff, and that ain’t right because as we all know the peasants are all thieves who are faking and don’t deserve the money we should be paying to us.

Just a peach of a guy representing a conscientious corporate citizen who thinks paying 9% of the amount of damage he caused is plenty because the victims were bums, and anyway after he burned your house down you wouldn’t let him join the fire dept and how fair is that? Sheesh.

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