Comedy For People With No Sense of Humor

If you are a normal human with normal instincts and a reasonably normal sense of humor, the kinds of things conservatives laugh at are liable to stump you at best, appall you at worst.

Video emerged on Tuesday showing supporters of Senator Scott P. Brown making tomahawk gestures with their arms and yelling Indian war whoops at supporters of Elizabeth Warren, his Democratic challenger, outside a pub on Saturday. The gestures were meant to mock Ms. Warren’s assertions, for which she has offered no documentation, that she has Native American ancestry.

Conservatives think making fun of one’s heritage is funny – as long as it isn’t their heritage. Also, fat people are funny, and invading countries because they’re supposed to have weapons they don’t actually have, that’s funny, stuff like that.

This may be difficult for you and you may not, at first blush, think starving children, for example, are all that amusing. You’ll have to teach yourself to remember that those children are not your problem and are most likely starving only because their parents are too lazy to take one of the many jobs our job creators have created in Sri Lanka and Honduras, places like that. Clearly those starving children are not our responsibility and that being the case, their distended bellies do look kind of comical, like turkey guts before the ax comes down.

You have to understand that Scott Brown doesn’t understand – or care that he doesn’t understand – that virtually no descendants of native New England tribes have “documentation” for the simple reason that we were decimated and then assimilated into the general population decades before anybody thought our names needed to be recorded. We were the first to be wiped out in the genocide (which conservatives find amusing all by itself) and the victors didn’t care to have the weapons of their victory (cholera, plague,  et al) or the victims publicized by name.

In fact, in conservative mythology, mentioning your heritage is inherently unfair since conservatives don’t have heritages. They have ancestors with bank accounts, one of which is meaningless without the other. Which means that any liberal who mentions his/her heritage in the midst of a campaign but doesn’t have a bank account that proceeds from it, must be making it up for some kind of election advantage, probably with the 100’s of 1000’s of voters who pretend to be tomahawk-chopping, headdress-wearing Indians. (New England tribes didn’t wear headdresses and called their tomahawks “adzes” but never mind the details; conservatives don’t.)

Ms. Warren has been saying for months — and repeats in a new ad — that her claims of Native American ancestry are based on family lore and that those who hired her did not even know about her background.

“Family lore” is all we’ve got, so it’s perfectly fair to attack Warren for not having ancestors smart enough to not be wiped out by Scott Brown’s ancestors. Losers in the new oligarchy don’t get to brag about it.

That’s why it’s so funny.

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