Daily Archives: December 21, 2006

Help Michelle Malkin Get Well

The hold of the ultra-right-wing on reality has always been tenuous at best but now, it seems, they’ve finally slipped over the Edge of Illusion and fallen deep into the Abyss of Pure Fantasy where one is allowed to believe anything one wants to believe no matter how illogical, bizarre, or patently false it is. For example, in Right-wing Whackoland, conspiracy theorists run wild:

  • Flouride was a Communist plot
  • JFK was a KGB mole
  • The so-called “landing on the moon” was staged in Arizona
  • George Bush is smart
  • We’re winning the “war” in Iraq
  • Nobody knows we’re winning the war in Iraq because the Associated Press is in a deep conspiracy with the insurgents to send false stories and images to convince us Iraq us a bloody mess when in fact it’s the Garden of Eden with fresh fruit hanging on the lower branches, “where the livin’ is eeeaaasy…”

The AP??!!

Yes, children. According to pro-war bloggers like Michelle Malkin and one See Dubya at the aptly-titled JunkYardBlog, the possible inaccuracy of a single AP source (not the event he commented on, that’s been verified by Central Command) proves that the AP and the entire US Press are dupes of an insurgency propaganda machine so diabolical that it has been able to plant dozens of phony stories with the AP that have given the American people a picture of a chaos that doesn’t really exist. No, Baghdad is peaceful, under control, with shining new schools and regular electricity delivery.

Gloriosky, Sandy! It’s a media conspiracy!

Their sources for these claims?

Um, each other.

Malkin’s source for the latest of these exercises in futility is none other than See Dubya. See-Dubya’s source is..See Dubya! At the bottom of a self-made map claiming to chart the location of stories from a supposedly false source, is this notation:

Data supplied by See Dubya

Oh.

Eric Boehlert at Media Matters has the skinny and it ain’t pretty.

Warbloggers, all boosters of the doomed U.S. invasion, have been poring over the AP’s dispatches, feverishly dissecting paragraphs in search of proof for their all-consuming conspiracy theory that biased American journalists, too cowardly to go get the bloody news in Iraq themselves, are relying on local news stringers who have obvious sympathies for insurgents and who actively “spread terrorist propaganda,” according to right-wing blog Little Green Footballs. The result of the AP hoax? Gullible, or “average,” Americans have been duped into believing there is a “civil war” raging in Baghdad today.

According to the warbloggers, Iraqi insurgents like the AP; they have friendly contacts with the AP; and they use the AP as a conduit to advance their propaganda war. Indeed, insurgents badly want for the AP to broadcast images and write stories about bloodshed in order to create the illusion of chaos in Iraq.

See, it’s really the AP’s fault we’re losing the war. (Plus, it’s ignoring all the “good news” from Iraq.) For warbloggers who have been chronically wrong about Iraq for nearly 50 straight months, the AP conspiracy theory represents a cure-all so important that Malkin herself has vowed to travel to Iraq to wander around the bombed-out streets of Baghdad in order to prove her AP allegations. (More on that later.)

Warbloggers are obsessed with all things AP, or the “Associated (with terrorists) Press,” as Malkin subtly calls it.

Clearly, what we have here is a growing, self-sustaining and supporting crew of obsessive/compulsive paranoid delusionals busily creating an alternate reality because they’re unable to cope with the real one.

It’s sad. I used to get angry about the sort of lying and disinformation and name-calling and personal attacks and setting up of strawmen and all the rest of the nasty shit that’s been emananting from right-wing extremists for the last 30 years, but recently Adam at A Violently Executed Blog came up with an explanation for their behavior that has turned me completely around.

I guess conservatives do have a purpose in our society, though – we need someone to remind us why it’s important to keep our kids from eating lead paint chips.

That’s it. That’s why they’re like that. It all fits. Conservatives are the ones who ate all that lead paint when they were kids, frying their brains into diseased cesspools of hallucinations and imaginary enemies under their beds. It’s not their fault. They are more to be pitied than censured.

And so with love in my heart, I am announcing the formation of a new organization to raise money for the care and treatment of conservatives to be called “Michelle’s Fund”. Any conservative who believes what Michelle believes is eligible to apply for medical treatment and therapy to help them once again re-connect with reality.

Give generously. The country you save may be your own.