Daily Archives: September 11, 2004

O’Reilly Interviews Jesus

Jesus loses. (Via By Beauty Damned)

Jenna Jameson: The Most Dangerous Woman On Earth

The threats we face come from all different places and all different angles. The Pubs like to talk about them all the time. “Fear” is their favorite topic of conversation. This isn’t too surprising given that conservatives are often conservative precisely because of their fears–they want protection from everything.

  • They’re afraid that someday the poor will rise up and invade their homes, throw them into the street, and then relax in their barca-loungers, change the settings on their wall-sized flat-screen tv’s, eat everything in the fridge and then criticize the drapes.
  • They’re afraid, because Islamic terrorists exist at all, that bevies of them must be hiding under their beds waiting to spring out at them and slit their throats and rape their children and put low-grade gasoline in their SUV’s (a variation on a theme: for most of the 20th century they were afraid that Communists were hiding under their beds waiting to spring out at them and slit their throats and rape their children and put low-grade gasoline in their Cadillacs; it’s what you might call a “theme”).
  • They’re afraid of change–any change.
  • They’re afraid of anybody who doesn’t think the way they do or believe what they believe.
  • They’re afraid of gays, immigrants, foreigners, anybody who betrays more skin color than your average tanned Hamptons’ beach bunny, and funny accents, especially the ones that sound vaguely French.
  • They’re afraid of people who have more money than they do and terrified of people who have less.
  • They’re afraid of dissent, disruption of the status quo, conjugal visits and chaos–none of which they can separate into its individual and unconnected piece.
  • They’re afraid that liberals will take their guns way, tax them into the poorhouse, make them drive little Toyotas that run on barley and wheat germ and couldn’t slam down the highway at 100mph if a Ferrari got behind them and pushed
  • They’re afraid that we’ll force their children to sing ‘Kumbaya’ every day and attend compulsory classes in prancing.
  • They’re afraid of art that isn’t commercial, sex you don’t pay for, and anything that’s done for love instead of money.
  • They’re probably afraid of the dark.

But what they fear more than anything else in the world and have since the dawn of time in almost every culture they’ve poisoned with their presence is the one thing they never have and never will be able to control (“control” is a Big Thing with conservatives; only when they have absolute control do they feel relatively safe).


Which brings us, in a roundabout way, to Jenna Jameson–


–porn star extraordinaire and mega-successful businesswoman in her chosen field: sex. How did we get here from there, you ask? Stay with me on this for a bit longer.

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