Gay Marriage


In the wake of the tag-team gay marriages in San Francisco and the overwhelming reaction to them from conservative “Christians” even unto Junior’s support for a Consitutional Amendment, the questions are being asked: “Why do conservative ‘Christians’ care so much? What’s it got to do with them? Exactly how does it hurt them, anyway? Why don’t they just ignore it?” On the surface these would seem to be legitimate questions. After all, it’s hard to see how a personal and private ceremony involving a couple in San Francisco can directly affect another couple in, say, Alabama, especially if they don’t know about it and aren’t acquainted with any of the people concerned.

But that’s just on the surface. Underneath this seemingly innocuous custom lies a deadly danger, and fortunately we have Susan Sanford of the Jasper, Alabama Daily Mountain Eagle around to point it out for us.

My first question is, do these people not read the Bible? Have they forgotten Sodom and Gomorrah? At what point do they think the Lord changed His mind about the sin of homosexuality?

There you go. If we don’t stop this blasphemous activity, Susan’s God will send down thunderbolts of fire and brimstone to destroy all of America, from sea-to-shining-sea–even the innocents like Susan herself–in a hurricane of volcanic fury.

Thanks for explaining it, Sue! We were confused. Now could you explain why, if that’s his agenda, God didn’t raze San Francisco to the ground 40 years ago? What’s he waiting for? Frisco’s had a large and stable community of gays since the sixties, at least one gay mayor, and a passle of Turkish baths. Seems like that would be more than enough to tick Him off, the way you put it. Also, could you give us an idea how much time we have left? I’d like to go through my Buffy the Vampire-Slayer collection before the Apocalypse.

We await your response with baited breath.

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